If someone’s behavior is bothering me to the point of my wanting to say something, I stop and think through what’s bothering me before opening my mouth.

  1. What are my assumptions about the behavior?
  2. How am I trying to make the other person wrong?
  3. Considering the other person has the best intentions, what different assumptions could I make about the behavior?
  4. How is this behavior similar to something in my past? Describe in detail.
  5. What stress am I under at the moment, and how is that related to my interpretation of the behavior or my reaction?
  6. How am I contributing to the behavior?
  7. What do I really want for the relationship?
  8. What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?