If someone’s behavior is both­ering me to the point of my wanting to say some­thing, I stop and think through what’s both­ering me before opening my mouth.

  1. What are my assump­tions about the behavior?
  2. How am I trying to make the other person wrong?
  3. Consid­ering the other person has the best inten­tions, what different assump­tions could I make about the behavior?
  4. How is this behavior similar to some­thing in my past? Describe in detail.
  5. What stress am I under at the moment, and how is that related to my inter­pre­ta­tion of the behavior or my reac­tion?
  6. How am I contributing to the behavior?
  7. What do I really want for the rela­tion­ship?
  8. What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?